To my breastfed baby

Dear child, you came into this world instinctively knowing one thing; how to eat. Your reflexes will cause you to begin rooting until you find my breast. You don’t know that this is new for me, that I feel a little displaced trying to hold you at just the right angle, your tiny head resting in my hand. You don’t know that for me, this doesn’t feel natural yet.

Dear child, you don’t know that I haven’t slept for days because of my long labor, and that I would give anything for a few hours of sleep. You cry for the milk and comfort that only I can give you.

Dear child, you don’t know why I play with your feet during night time feedings. You don’t know that it’s to keep you awake until your belly is full. You don’t know that sometimes I hold them in my hand, because I know they won’t be this little forever.

Dear child, you don’t know that mommy is crying again because I am so tired. You don’t notice the tears landing on your face. You don’t know that formula fed babies sleep longer, and that I am so tempted to give up. You don’t know that I’m wondering how much longer I can do this.

Dear child, you don’t know that this is hard to do in public. You don’t know that people are staring, and that I’m uncomfortable. It’s just a normal part of your day.

Dear child, you don’t know that I love ice cream, but I don’t eat that right now because it gives you a tummy ache. You don’t know that I have to be very careful of what I eat and drink to keep your milk perfect for you.

Dear child, you don’t know how much I love it when you look up, with milk dripping down your chin, and smile at me. You don’t know that there is nothing in the world I would rather be doing right now.

Dear child, I’m rocking you to sleep tonight; not for the first time, and not for the last time. You don’t know how grateful I am for these moments. You don’t know that this won’t last forever. You don’t know that you’ll wake up in a few hours and we’ll do it again.

Dear child, you don’t know that you’re teaching me so much about myself. You don’t know that I will miss this one day.

2 thoughts on “To my breastfed baby

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